


Sad Songs Tell Me I'm Not Alone

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds, Spencer Reid - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Loneliness, Reader-Insert, Self-Esteem, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 15:21:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11466330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: Inspired by Winter's Weather by As It IsDisclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	Sad Songs Tell Me I'm Not Alone

Friends for years, it was a common occurrence for Spencer Reid to walk into Y/N’s apartment as she was singing. Unlike so many others he knew that danced happily around their apartments, Y/N was always singing a solemn tune; it made Spencer sad to think that one of his closest friends was lingering in sadness even when she wore a smile.

Despite the more upbeat tone, she was singing a song he knew all too well. “How long, how long ‘till I’m no longer a shadow. ‘Cause I’ve been thinking I’d so love to feel again. Silence; I screamed her name, and wondered why you never came. I wear my…I wear my curse, you wear my cure.” When she turned around, her dour expression turning slightly upward into a smile. “Hey, Spence.” Her smile spread a bit wider as she came over to give him a hug.

Everything she wore, everything she was, was in stark contrast to the music with which she surrounded herself. He perfume was light and flowery, reminiscent of an orchard on a summer’s day. Her clothes matched, always bright and colorful - a lot like his friend Penelope if he thought about it. And yet she would listen to these songs that made his heart ache, so he couldn’t imagine how they made her feel.

After getting him a drink, the two sat on the couch. “Can I ask you something?” Spencer asked. Curiosity was too much for him. He’d been her friend through some bad times, but he couldn’t help but wonder if her sadness ran deeper.

The smile she wore turned down again as she nodded.

“Why do you listen to such sad songs? Are you okay? You know you can talk to me, right?” He was worried, but he had to know whether or not he was just overreacting. 

As the sun shone in through the drapes, the light crawled over her features, lighting up the sadness in her eyes. “I guess I listen to this kind of stuff to assure myself that I’m not alone. Whatever I’m feeling and whenever I’m feeling it, there is someone, somewhere out there that has felt or is feeling the same way.”

“That I understand,” he swallowed hard. Music had been an important part of his own recovery when he was struggling with the dilauded, but after conquering his addiction and remaining clean, he never felt the need to submerge himself in that type of music again. “But, for instance, when you broke up with Noah, you were listening to a lot of lonely relationship music, but you stopped eventually, because he wasn’t worth it and you knew it. When you lost your mom, you were listening to a lot of sad music about losing a love one, and then you stopped. But lately, you’ve been listening to just…really lonely music.”

She sighed heavily, reaching across the expanse of the couch and laying her hand over his. “It’s because I’m lonely,” she said as she shrugged her shoulders. “I know I have people around me, but they haven’t been through the same things as me. Music has though, depending on what you listen to.”

For a few moments, silence hung between the two before she started to speak again. “I know I can talk to you,” she said. “Really, I do, but it’s hard to be so vulnerable to people, even those closest to me.”

He hugged her tightly, resting her head on his chest. “Please don’t be afraid to talk to me. All I want to do is help.”

“I know you do, Spence. I just…I don’t really have an explanation for why I feel the way I do. I just…don’t like myself.”

That revelation hit him like a ton of bricks. How could she not? She was one of his best friends - friendly, kind, generous, beautiful, intelligent, funny - she was everything anyone could ever hope to have in a friend or loved one. “Will you talk to someone? It isn’t good for you to dwell in that kind of feeling.”

She shirked away from him, leaning into the back of the couch and crossing her arms over her chest. “I don’t know. I don’t know if anything will change. These lyrics,” she said, pointing to the screen on her phone, “’I look for love in everybody else, ‘Cause I tried but I can’t love myself.’ They really resonate with me. I think that’s why I’m able to keep the mask up, you know?”

“I do,” he said. “I wore that mask all the time when I was struggling with dilauded, but I didn’t want to feel like that anymore, so I got help. And that’s exactly it, you don’t know if it will help, but it can’t hurt to try. The only thing that could change is that you feel better. I hate hearing that you don’t like yourself, Y/N. You’re one of my best friends; you’re amazing,” quickly adding. “And I’m not biased, because I know that’s what you’re about to say.”

She snorted softly; he did always have the ability to read her mind. She was pretty confident that if mutants were real, Spencer was the real-life Professor X. “I’ll try,” she said after a while. “Can you recommend anyone?” 

With a smile, he pulled out his phone and copied down the names and numbers of a few doctors that he knew took her insurance. “Here,” he replied, feeling a bit better about the situation as a whole. “And Y/N? I’ll be here to love you until you can love yourself…and then I’ll still be there.”

“Thank you, Spence,” Y/N said softly, leaning into his chest.

Hold me close in winter’s weather  
I’m too weak to pull myself together


End file.
